My Favourite Things
by Schemergirl
Summary: Rip and Schrodinger eavesdrop on Doc... singing. Puts the 'war orchestra' in a new context. This is not to be taken seriously.


Disclaimer: Don't own.

**My Favourite Things**

Waiting for a chance to seize power for several decades could be incredibly boring, was what Rip van Winkle thought as she looked at the cards in her hand- a losing one. Judging by Schro's grin, he knew it too. She scowled and threw her cards down on the table.

"I could svear you vere cheating!" she shouted.

"Not," the Warrant Officer retaliated. "I'm just everyvere and novere-,"

"Save it."

They sat, glaring at each other for a few moments. Schrödinger's ears twitched.

"Do you hear that?" he asked.

"…Yes." The opera lover shuddered. "Definitely not the sound quality I'm used to."

"It appears to be coming from the labs…" Schrödinger smirked. The labs were quite a distance away- it just showed how sensitive their preternatural senses were.

"Let's take a look, shall ve now?" Rip flashed an equally evil grin at her half-cat partner in crime.

"Ve certainly shall."

OoOoOoOoOo

A few minutes of running down hallways later- or in Schro's case, mysteriously disappearing and reappearing at the desired location a couple of seconds later- Rip and Schrödinger were outside the lab entrance, trying to look inconspicuous, and failing.

"My, my, and ve thought _ve _were mad out of boredom," Rip smirked. Schrödinger mewed in agreement.

Doc's voice echoed from the labs- he hadn't closed the door fully.

"_Bloodstains on lab coats and viskers on cat girls,_

_Stainless steel scalpels and surgical masks,_

_Brown paper packages containing bombs,_

_These are a few of my favourite things."_

"I think he's been inhaling the crystal meth fumes for too long," Schrodinger giggled.

"No, _you think?_" Rip commented.

"_Blood covered subjects and crisp apple strudels,_

_Pavlovian bells and slay bells and schnitzel vith noodles,_

_Vild Geese that must die with Zorin on their trail,_

_These are a few of my favourite things."_

"Indeed, Julie Andrews the second. Schro, you thinking vat I'm thinking?" Rip asked.

"Heil Schnitzel?" Schrödinger offered.

"…No, go get the Major. He did vant a var orchestra after all."

The boy's nose wrinkled in a feline gesture of disgust. "_That?_"

"Just go. I need to…avenge…something." Rip blushed.

"Ah, yes. Of _course,_" Schrödinger smirked. Rip looked away for a moment to adjust her glasses, and when she looked up, he'd disappeared.

"_Girls in black suits with Schutzstaffel badges,_

_Zippers that save me from public humiliation,_

_Miserable failures that fry into crisps,_

_These are a few of my favourite things."_

This time, Rip had to control herself to keep from bursting out in hysterics. Who could forget the zippers?

She sobered quickly, not wanting to go down _that _track of thought.

_Think about something else… wait, girls in black suits with Schutzstaffel badges?!_

Just then, Schrödinger appeared. "He's coming." He took a closer look at Rip. "Vat's happened to _you?_"

"N-nothing."

The Major appeared from around the corner, the Captain walking stoically behind him.

"Vat's this I hear about a var orchestra?" the fat Major grinned fondly. "I do love a good song…" He rubbed his hands together.

"…" was the extent of the Captain's input.

"I'm afraid you've missed the most of it," Rip said, collecting herself.

"_When Rip bites, when Schro scratches,_

_When I'm feeling sad,"_

"_Oh, _RIP!" Schrödinger laughed, "You've been _bad!_"

"SHUT UP, YOU…CAT!"

"_I simply remember my favourite things,_

_And then I don't feel so bad."_

"Let it be, Fraulein," Major sighed, "He's just a boy."

"_I simply remember my favourite things,_

_And then I don't feel_

_SOOOOO_

_BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"_

"Vat a lovely crescendo," the Major said, making Rip wonder if all was alright with his hearing.

"…" said the Captain, as usual.

"…I think my young self is scarred for life," Schrödinger concluded.

"…Indeed," Rip said to him as the Major continued rambling on about war and music. The words 'Hellsing', 'Alucard' and 'Christians' made impromptu, yet at the same time expected, cameos.

The happy foursome was interrupted by a humming sound that was coming nearer and nearer. Even the Major fell silent as footsteps accompanied the humming, sounding as if they came from only a few feet away.

Slowly, the lab door opened, and the eavesdroppers wondered whether to stay or run- none of them considered themselves cowards, but they'd all seen Doc angry at some point. It always culminated in a psychotic, scalpel-brandishing scientist- not that _that _wasn't unusual anyway.

Doc stepped out of the lab, humming. He froze when he saw Schrödinger, Rip, Major, and the Captain staring at him.

"Vat?"

The Major cleared his throat. "Bravissimo," he started clapping, "Bravissimo, simply… fabulous!"

He glared at the others, commanding them to join in the applause. Awkwardly, they did so.

"Um, uh, thank you, I-I think I forgot my tea in the microvave…" Doc said nervously and quickly walked back into the lab.

"Dummkopf..." Rip rolled her eyes, "Always in denial…"

There was an awkward silence then.

"…Don't you have things to be doing?" the Major asked.

"I vish," Schrödinger muttered.

"Run along, then," the Major said, and he and the Captain walked back in the way they'd come.

Rip and Schrödinger shared a meaningful glance.

"Cards?"

"Ja, certainly. That vas… me-_ow_."

A/N: Ah, they're so much like a dysfunctional family. Looking back at this, it seems to heavily imply Doc/Rip… which is weird, because I didn't intend it to at all, but… oh well. Make out whatever you want from it. Hope you liked!


End file.
